By Melissa Winn
I was nineteen years old and the whole world was before me, watching, waiting, wondering what I would become, how my story would play out. It was the summer after my first year at college and I returned to the coastal town where I grew up, where my parents still kept my bedroom exactly as I had left it. The only evidence of my absence was the freshly laundered clothes piled in a neat stack on the bed. My computer sat on its old walnut desk cramped into the corner of the room collecting dust; my guitar waited patiently in the closet. I dropped my bags onto the bed and retrieved the forgotten instrument, thinking about all of the good times we had shared before I left. Before we went our separate ways last fall, the guys and I had promised to start up the band again this summer. There was a soft knock at the door, and Mom poked her head in.
“Jesse, are you hungry at all?” she asked, “Dinner’s almost ready.”
“Okay Mom, I’ll be out in a minute. Thanks.”
She smiled. “It sure is nice having you home sweetie.”
Mom was always meticulous about dinner. She was always experimenting with new recipes, or improving existing ones. When I was a kid, she used to cut my sandwiches into shapes and arrange the food on my plate to resemble some kind of theme. Clowns, ocean, Christmas…you name it Mom probably turned it into food. She said it was because I was so picky and it was the only way to get me to eat. I think she just had too much time on her hands. Being home again felt strange. I felt as though I should be more mature after spending a full year away at college, but felt instead like a little boy coming home from a long sleepover.
My second week into the summer break I managed to get all of the guys together and we were jamming in no time, as if we had never parted. We were stuck practicing in my parents’ garage and old Mrs. Higsby next door, who was partially deaf in one ear and completely deaf in the other, kept complaining about the noise. Halfway into our third song, she was standing in the driveway with her gardening gloves and shovel, pointing it at us like she was out for blood and yelling about the racket keeping her petunias from blooming. We apologized sheepishly and decided to call it a day.
“Man, we need to find a new locale,” said Brandon, our bassist. “That old granny’s gonna call the cops on us one of these days.”
“Can she do that?” I wondered.
“Yeah dude, the cops will jump on the chance to shut down our creative rights.”
“Brandon, quit talking bull shit,” Reese, our vocalist and self proclaimed band “leader”, intervened.
“Whatever, man,” Brandon
“Dude, you do realize that half the time we don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, don’t you?” Clide asked Brandon
I smiled at these playful interactions that I had missed so much. The four of us had started up the band in high school but went our separate ways once the first semester of college was upon us. Reese and I followed the norm and attended separate universities. Brandon
“Hey guys,” I said, “Let’s do a gig at the Red Sands Festival at the end of the month.”
“Yeah, dude!!” Brandon
“I’m game,” Clide agreed.
“No way man, we won’t have enough time to practice,” Reese objected. “These songs are way too rough, it’s gonna take all summer to smooth them out.”
“Well we don’t have to do original songs,” I countered. “We can do covers. It’ll be background music anyway, so better if we do something everyone knows. How about the Beatles?”
“Beatles? Are you serious?” Reese continued to protest, “that’s so over done. I thought having our own band was about making our own music, something unique to us, and sharing that with the world. I’m not down for covers.”
“But Reese, if we can get a job playing at the festival, we might be able to make some money to put towards making an original album. And, maybe we can throw in one of our old songs at the end, one that we already know by heart. We’ll hook ‘em with what they know and then BAM! Give ‘em something new and unexpected. What do you say?”
Reese thought for a minute. He was trying to hide the fact that this logic did indeed make sense. What could we lose? After some hesitation, he sighed with a look of defeat.
“All right, let’s do it, but I pick the songs we cover.”
There was much excitement as we packed up our equipment and talked about the song selections we would do for the festival. This would be our first public performance in over a year.
The Red Sands Festival was the highlight of the summer in our little town. No one really knows where it got its name, though there is much speculation that it could be referring to the color of the beach during vibrant sunsets. Whatever the case it has become a tradition enjoyed by all, locals and tourists alike. It’s held on the beach each year, right next to the Crab Shack. Our band was lucky enough to get a job on such short notice, mainly because we were to do Beatles’ covers, but they only allowed us four songs. After much debate, we were finally able to agree upon “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, “All You Need Is Love”, and “With A Little Help From My Friends” for our Beatles covers and our original song “Tomorrow” to close with.
I was amped up for the performance; it had been a long time since I last played in front of an audience, but, as always, I managed to use the juxtaposition of anxiety and excitement to my advantage. I nailed the guitar intro for our first number, “I Want to Hold Your Hand”, and as the music built I became more relaxed and natural, falling into my old groove. As I peered out into the audience to see who was enjoying the performance, I noticed a girl with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes. She was looking right at me with a serene smile on her face, as though she had been waiting for me. The sight took me aback, and I almost lost focus. Something about her felt so familiar. I quickly returned my attention to my guitar and tried to push her image from my mind, but she stood there throughout the entire performance, watching me so intently I nearly had chills running down my spine. As eerie as it was, there was such a simplistic innocence about her, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had seen her before.
We finished our final number, our original song, and began packing up all of our equipment. I glanced back to the audience, where the girl had been watching me, but she was gone. I shut my guitar case and stood up. She was there in front of me, smiling.
“Jesse? Is it really you?” she asked, leaning toward me, her eyes beaming.
“Um, yeah…I-I’m sorry, uh, we know each other?” I asked, flustered. I felt so stupid for not remembering!
“It’s Alanna! Don’t you remember? We met right here on the beach, down by the pier, when we were kids. You were a terrible swimmer!”
I was embarrassed she brought up my swimming. I did remember her then.
“Alanna! I can’t believe it…It’s been so long. Are you down here visiting again?”
“Mm-hmm, I’m thinking about staying though. I really love it here.” Her words seemed rehearsed. Had she been waiting for me?
She brushed a strand of hair from her face. I noticed she smelled like the sea.
“That’s great…man, I still can’t believe it’s you! After all these years…hey, you want to grab a bite to eat?”
“I would love that!” She smiled even bigger.
“All right, I just need to help the guys get this stuff put up. Give me about ten minutes?”
“Okay, I’ll meet you at the Crab Shack!”
As she backed away, Clide and Brandon came up behind me.
“Who’s your friend?” asked Clide.
“That is one hot fish stick!” Brandon whistled and winked at me.
I grimaced at Brandon’s awkward reference. “Her name’s Alanna. We met when we were kids, and this is the first time I’ve seen her since. Weird, huh?”
“Get it, son!” Clide said, patting my back and winking.
“It is your time, young grasshopper.” Brandon bowed to me in the formal samurai style.
The guys weren’t going to let me hear the end of this. I was the only one in the group with no love interest to speak of, but I was okay with that. I lived vicariously through their insanely complicated relationships.
It was so strange seeing Alanna after all of these years. It was ten years ago, to the day, actually. We met the day of the festival. I had this crazy idea that I wanted to jump off of the pier. I was always a horrible swimmer, but for some reason, on that day I suddenly determined that I was going to jump in and swim. As I ran to the end of the pier my Mom was hollering after me to stop, but I couldn’t be deterred. As I made the leap I felt brief liberation from my fear, and then I hit the water with a smack and the fear returned with a vengeance. As the waves pulled me under, I struggled to keep my head above the water, but my efforts were futile. I began to sink and I thought to myself that this was it. I would drown, because I couldn’t overcome my fear. And then, I felt arms wrap around me; I was being pulled to the surface. It was Alanna. She was just a kid, like me, but she saved my life.
The next few hours after that were a blur. The lifeguard checked my vitals and helped me cough up some water. Mom wanted to take me to the hospital, but when the lifeguard assured her I should be fine, I told her I wanted to stay. Alanna and I spent the rest of the day together on the beach. At the end of the day my, Mom bought us both ice cream cones, and Alanna acted like she had never experienced something so magnificent before in all her life. As the sun was setting, Mom and I made our way to the car. I looked back to see Alanna standing at the end of the pier, staring at the horizon. She turned my way, and though we were too far to tell, I knew she was smiling. I waved, and she waved back. That was the last time I saw her. I never asked, but I always just assumed she was visiting the area on vacation. In the whole day we spent together, we never saw or heard from her parents or any other semblance of family members or guardians. At dinner that night, Mom told Dad about her heroics. She said Alanna must have been my guardian angel. When I didn’t see her at the beach the next day or the day after that, and when a week had passed with no trace of her, I began to believe maybe my Mom was right.
Alanna was waiting for me at the Crab Shack. She was leaning casually against the wall, looking up at the night sky.
“Are they always this bright?” she asked.
“The stars?”
“Yeah, they’re so beautiful…”
“Actually the lights from the Festival are making them a little dimmer than usual. You can’t see the stars like this where you’re from?”
“Uh-uh. Where I’m from, you’d hardly even know stars exist.”
“You from a big city or something?”
“Something.” She rubbed her arms, goose pimples forming on her skin. “Let’s eat, I’m famished!”
“Agreed.” I led the way into the Crab Shack. The hostess led us past the smoky bar to a booth in the corner.
“I hope you like crab,” I said, looking over the menu.
“Oh yes! Do they have blue crab here? That is my favorite!”
“I’m pretty sure they have every crab you can think of, cooked up just about every way you can think of –see? Right here, blue crab claws.” I pointed to the item under appetizers. “Mmm, looks good –‘Broiled blue crab claws served with melted butter for dipping.’ “
She furrowed her brows. “Melted butter? That sounds strange…”
“You’ve never dipped crab in melted butter before?” I asked, incredulous.
“Never.” She was serious.
“Well, you’ve gotta try it; it will change your world.”
Alanna looked like she was trying to suppress a laugh. “If you say so.”
The waitress greeted us and took our drink order. I got a Coke, Alanna asked for “fresh
water”, and we ordered an appetizer of the blue crab claws. Alanna slowly dipped the tender white crab meat into the butter dish and, realizing it was now dripping everywhere, quickly popped it into her mouth. I waited with that I-told-you-so anticipation as she slowly chewed and swallowed it.
“I’m not sure it changed my world, but it is pretty good.” She conceded, then wolfed down three more. “I really enjoyed your music tonight. Do you play often?”
“Not as much as I’d like to. My parents say I should focus on school, so I really only get to play during breaks. They told me they would take care of my extra college expenses, as long as I keep my GPA above a 3.0.”
Alanna looked confused for a moment, and then shrugged it off. “I see, so you’re parents still take care of you?”
“Pretty much. I’m a college student; my job right now is to go to school and figure out what I’m gonna do with my future. And I have no idea what I want to do with myself, but I’ve still got a few years to decide.”
“Hmm.” Alanna leaned back in the booth looking thoughtful. “But you enjoy your music. Wouldn’t you like to pursue that?”
“Well, that would be pretty awesome, but not realistic. It’s hard to make a living off of playing the guitar. And I’m just mediocre at it, so it’s really just a pipe dream.”
Her brows furrowed again. “I guess that makes sense…” Though she agreed, I could see a doubtful frown forming on her face. “I guess I’m the kind of person who believes in taking a chance for what you want, even if it may seem unattainable. Do what it takes to make your dreams a reality.”
“Yeah, that’s not me. I don’t have the balls to put myself out there and get crushed. I like to play it safe.”
She smiled uncertainly and shrugged at me. I shrugged back.
“So, how long are you here for?” I asked.
Alanna shifted uncomfortably. “Three days.”
“That it? Jeeze, what kind of vacation are you on anyway? “
“Well, actually today was the first day, so just two more days.” I saw a hint of sadness cross her face.
“Well, didn’t you say you might stay this time?”
“Yeah, but it depends on circumstances…you know, whether or not things work out.” She averted her eyes and bit her lip nervously. “It’s kind of complicated.”
“Taking a chance, huh?”
“You could say that.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I can’t it’s…it’s rather distressing. I just don’t want to think about it right now.”
“Okay, I get it. Change of subject.”
Her smile returned. “Thanks.”
Alanna wasn’t lying, she really loved blue crab. We ended up ordering two more servings of the crab claws and one serving of blue crab cakes before the night ended. Our conversations lingered in generic subjects, never getting too personal; Alanna was very cryptic about personal matters. She never even gave me a straight answer about where she was from and deflected every time I brought up the subject of her parents. When we parted ways late that night, I felt like I hadn’t learned anything about her, yet I felt an undeniable connection. Three days? That was so little time.
“Meet me here tomorrow?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“Goodnight, Jesse. I’m so glad to see you again.”
I had committed to fully embracing the summer vacation, so the next day I faithfully slept until approximately one o’clock. I felt great, until I remembered Alanna was probably waiting for me at the beach. I immediately felt awful. I quickly dressed and went to the kitchen for a bowl sugary goodness to start the day off right. Mom was sitting at the table reading; the box of Lucky Charms was already waiting for me on the counter.
“You’re up early,” she said, her voice drenched in sarcasm.
“Yeah, I’m supposed to meet up with a friend…” I poured a generous amount of Lucky charms into my bowl and drowned them in cold, white milk. I took a big bite – they really were magically delicious.
“Mom, you’ll never guess who I ran into last night.”
Mom took a sip of her tea, her eyes never leaving the page. “Who’s that, dear?”
“Alanna.”
She looked up, surprise clearly written across her face. “Alanna? The little girl from the beach who saved your life?”
“Yeah she’s in town for a few days.”
Mom’s eyebrows raised a little, the way they do when she’s not sure what to say.
“I’m going to hang out with her today at the beach.”
“That’s wonderful, dear.” She smiled at me, her eyes still a little wide. “Maybe you could bring her by later? I would love to see her again. She saved my baby’s life after all.” Mom’s eyes grew soft as she said this. She was always doting on me, her only child.
“Yeah, I’ll see if she wants to. I’m sure she’d like that.”
I finished my cereal and rinsed the bowl out in the sink.
“All right Mom, I’m heading out. Love you.” I kissed her on the head on my way out.
When I made it to the beach, I couldn’t find Alanna. I walked down the sandy shore for a half hour before I finally spotted her in the water, near the pier. The same place where we had met ten years ago: the place I had nearly drowned. I called out to her but she didn’t respond. I waded into the shallows.
“Alanna!” I called again. This time she turned to me and smiled, then beckoned me into the water.
“Don’t worry!” she called back, “I won’t let you drown!”
I hated it, but I decided to wade out to her. I felt that old fear coming back as the water got too deep for me to walk and my body became weightless. My fear increased when I couldn’t see where Alanna was. I looked around frantically. My feet were no longer touching the mushy sand and the waves threatened to overcome my head. The panic began to set in, but as I turned around Alanna emerged from the water and spit a mouthful of salty water in my face.
“Alanna! That’s disgusting!”
She laughed. She was so giddy and playful in the water, unlike me. “I’m sorry; I was just trying to break the tension. You are really tense, you know. It’s no wonder you’re such a terrible swimmer.”
“Hey, don’t you think you’ve had enough fun at my expense? C’mon, let’s get out of the water. Please.”
“Don’t be such a baby! You need to face your fears or you’ll never conquer them. And what better time to do that than with your own personal lifeguard?”
I was now struggling to keep myself afloat; panic was creeping its way into my mind, numbing me, slowly trying to take control and drag me under. I couldn’t focus on anything but the sheer panic.
“Please, Alanna, not today.”
She made a pouty face at me. “You really are scared aren’t you? Okay, fair enough.”
She wrapped her arm around my waist and helped me swim back to the beach. We finally made our way out of the wretched sea and laid out on the sand until the sun dried us.
“I feel like I could do this all day, every day.” Alanna murmured. “The sun is so wonderful…So bright and warm. I would love to lie under it forever.”
“That would be one hell of a sunburn.”
Alanna smiled. “It would be worth it, to stay under the sun.”
Everything about her seemed so simple and pure. I wondered where she was from, what kind of home she was raised in, what kind of school she went to. I wanted to ask, but I felt too awkward. It was like we had this connection, yet there was still this strange gap that kept us apart, in separate worlds.
That evening she agreed to come back to my house to see my parents. She seemed very pleased that Mom wanted to see her again. Even though she was essentially a stranger, it wasn’t like bringing a stranger home. It wasn’t even like bringing my last girlfriend home. Mom immediately embraced her.
“Alanna, it is so good to see you again!” said Mom. “I feel forever indebted to you for saving my little boy.” She took a step back and looked Alanna over. “My, what a lovely young woman you’ve turned out to be!”
Alanna blushed. “Thank you, Mrs. Radcliff.”
Mom made us dinner that night, and we all ate together like one big happy family.
“So, Alanna,” Mom began, scooping some garlic potatoes onto her plate, “where are you going to school at?”
“Oh, I’m not going to school right now,” Alanna responded.
“Oh? Are you working then?”
“No, ma’am. I guess you could say I’m just trying to find my place in the world right now.”
“Alanna’s taking a chance,” I interjected.
Alanna kicked me under the table.
“I can understand that,” Mom replied. “It’s very difficult when you’re uncertain about your future. You kids have it so hard now; everyone has such high expectations of you. You’re all expected to continue your education and succeed and get good jobs. Our culture certainly has changed.”
“Did you go to school, Mrs. Radcliff?”
“No, unfortunately I didn’t. I met Jesse’s father and just didn’t have a desire to continue my education. Sometimes I wish I had, but I realized that I have all I really need right here. A loving husband, a wonderful son, and good food. I really couldn’t ask for more…maybe just a nice girl for my Jesse.” Mom winked at Alanna.
“Mom!” my face had turned a deep shade of red. I hated when my mother involved herself in my personal life like that.
“I think you are very wise, Mrs. Radcliff.” Alanna said, ignoring my embarrassment.
“Thank you, dear. I hope you find your own path in the world soon; it is a terrible feeling to be so uncertain about the future.”
Alanna smiled sullenly. “Yes, right now I feel like I’m at the mercy of the winds of fate. They can blow me one way or the other, and I have no control over which way I go.”
Mom looked her right in the eye with fierce sincerity. “You will always have control over something, Alanna. You will never have control over everything in your life, but there will always be choices that you and you alone can make.”
Alanna looked down at her plate. She seemed so serious suddenly. “I understand.”
The table was quiet for several long moments. Finally, I changed the subject to my band, movies, the beach, anything that would make Alanna smile again. And make me feel more at ease.
After dinner I played a few songs for her on my guitar, and even had the guts to show her some I had written myself. Once again, she encouraged me to pursue my dream of playing and writing music, but I shrugged it off. She asked me to play the Beatles songs from the festival again. Alanna wanted to listen to “All You Need Is Love” five times. Late that night, after Mom and Dad had gone to bed, we took some sleeping bags to the roof to gaze at the stars.
“This is wonderful!” Alanna exclaimed. I knew she would enjoy it. She looked at me and smiled sweetly. The way she looked at me made me a little uneasy; I didn’t know what I expected from our relationship, but I knew I didn’t want to complicate things. I envisioned Brandon’s favorite surf board sawed in three pieces, the handiwork of his last girlfriend, and shivered.
“Jesse, you remember what your Mom said? About me having a choice?”
I hesitated. “Yeah…”
“Well, what if I already made my choice?”
“You talking about that big chance you’re taking that you don’t ever want to talk about?”
She rolled her eyes. “Maybe.”
“Then, I guess you just have to wait and see.”
She was silent for a moment, fidgeting with a loose thread on the sleeping bag. “Did you make a choice?”
“What do you mean?”
“About your life.”
“Well, I chose to go to college…I’m not really sure after that. I’m not even sure what I want to get my degree in. Maybe something practical, like business. I’m just living life, one day at a time. Enjoying it, you know. I guess one day I’ll be out of college, and I’ll have to get a job and deal with the full responsibilities of being an adult.”
Alanna pushed herself up halfway on her elbow and faced me. “But Jesse, you are an adult, aren’t you?”
“Not really. I mean, I’m just a college kid now.”
“But there are other ‘kids’ your age fighting wars, or supporting families…just because you don’t have that kind of responsibility on your shoulders, you aren’t an adult?”
“I dunno, Alanna,” I was starting to feel defensive. “I guess it’s just our culture, like my Mom said. We’re expected to go to school and figure out who we are and what we want to do with our lives, all the while not having to take on any major responsibilities and remain under the care of our parents.”
Alanna frowned, and I noticed the worry in her bright blue eyes. “If the world is really like that, I’m beginning to think I’ve made the wrong choice.”
“What choice?”
There were tears welling in her eyes now. “The choice to come here.” She wiped her eyes and sat up.
“Is that the big chance you took? What’s so special about this dinky little seaside town?”
She looked at me like I was oblivious to something very obvious. It made me feel angry, like I was missing a vital piece of some puzzle I didn’t even know I was supposed to be solving.
“I need to go,” She said coolly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jesse. It’s my third day; meet me at the pier.”
“Alanna? What’s wrong? Alanna, wait!” I called after her, but she was already gone.
At the pier the next morning, Alanna was waiting, just as she had promised. She was her chipper self again, and acted as though our conversation the previous night had never happened.
“What should we do today?” she asked me.
I smiled. “How about I surprise you?”
“I think I would love that, but as long as we can come back here before sunset.”
“Deal.”
I took her to the local arcade. I was a little worried she wouldn’t enjoy it, but she surprised me. She beat my score in nearly every game and even agreed to greasy arcade pizza for lunch. She bought a cheesy mood ring with her game tickets and proudly displayed it on her left forefinger like a prized heirloom. As the day waned, we made our way back to the beach. The crowds on the beach began dissipating as people made their way to their cars or the Crab Shack for some dinner. Before long we were some of the remaining few on the beach. We walked out to the pier and sat on the edge. It was a brilliant sunset, with deep shades of oranges and reds. The colors reflected off of the sand and water, bathing the world in red light. We sat side by side in awkward silence, staring out at the horizon.
“Jesse, have you ever been in love?” she asked bluntly, but avoided my gaze and continued staring at the water.
I looked down at my hands; there was suddenly a sickness in the pit of my stomach and a whisper of panic in my mind. “Not really…I had a girlfriend my sophomore year of high school, but it was complicated.”
“Why?”
“I…I dunno. She started getting real serious and talking about marriage and kids, and we were just kids ourselves. It scared me. I was way too young…I still feel too young for that kind of commitment. That life feels eons away.”
She looked at me then, long and hard, then finally looked away again. “I’ve treasured these last few days with you, Jesse Radcliff. Thank you for spending them with me.”
The sickness in my stomach was growing up into my throat. What was she trying to say?
“Yeah, I’ve had a lot of fun with you too…Is something wrong?”
She was staring hard into the ocean. “I can’t go back, you know,” she stated solemnly.
“Back home?” This girl was so cryptic.
“I made a choice and took a chance coming here...so I could see you again.” She turned to me then. “Jesse, it’s your choice now.”
“What are you talking about?”
She looked at me incredulously, and then buried her face in her palms for a long moment. “Really?” she asked through her hands. “I have to spell it out for you?” She dropped her hands and looked at me with a fierceness I didn’t know her fair features to be capable of. “I. Love. You. Jesse! Why else would I give up everything and come here to this ‘dinky little seaside town’?!”
I felt like I had just gotten punched in the gut. I stared at her stupidly.
“Aren’t you going to say something?!” The intensity in her eyes burned my soul as she begged for a reply. I couldn’t speak, and I knew I couldn’t reciprocate.
“Alanna...” I finally found my voice, and it was barely above a whisper. “Is three days really enough time to determine if you love someone?”
I saw the tears brimming in her eyes. “It was for me,” she whispered, defeated.
Another punch in the gut. It was killing me to hurt her like this. I wanted to crawl under a rock.
“I’m sorry Alanna, I’m just not ready.”
“I get it.” Her voice was hollow, “The world is different than what I’d imagined; even though the stars are brighter here, they’re no more obtainable than in the deepest abyss. I thought I could come here and survive on nothing but love. ‘All you need is love’ right? But I was wrong. This world is different. You need an education and success and wealth to survive and be happy in this place. I was so naïve. I deserve this. ” She stood up and faced the horizon, a single tear streaming down her face.
“Alanna…” I stood with her and placed my hand on her shoulder. I felt my heart shatter for her. “It’s not your fault. I’m just afraid. I’m afraid of drowning, so I never go in the water. I stay on the shore and watch from a distance while everyone else jumps in and takes a chance. But I can’t do it. I just don’t want to drown.”
Alanna turned to me and gave me a tender, almost pitying look. “I understand, Jesse. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the one to save you this time…You’ll have to save yourself, Jesse, but not from the depths; this time you’re drowning in the shallows.”
Her words crashed into me like a tidal wave and reverberated within my being. In that instant I saw the future I was heading towards: a lonely old man with a beer gut and nothing to call his own wading in the shallows, and I realized that I wanted so much more for my life.
“You’re right…” I said quietly, still dumbstruck. She smiled a very peaceful smile, gently placed her hands on my chest, and kissed me tenderly. I reached to touch her face, but before my fingers reached her, the sun sunk below the horizon, and I was greeted instead with a mist of sea spray. I blinked and looked around, as if awoken by a dream. Alanna was gone. I stared hard into the ocean, at the sea foam riding the waves.
I stayed at the pier all night, staring into the inky water while the stars watched from above. Tightly grasping the mood ring that had fallen to the wooden boards of the pier after Alanna had left me, I replayed the events of the past three days over and over in my head. Mostly, I thought about the chance she had taken on me, and how I couldn’t do the same for her. The sky turned a light gray as dawn broke over the horizon; it was a new day. I stood, slipped the ring on my smallest finger, and breathed in the salty morning air. A warm breeze enveloped me as I stood there, gently caressing my face and giving me the courage to take that last step to the edge. It’s a new day. With the morning sun on my face and the gentle wind at my back, I dive in. Today, I will swim.
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